My Sunday morning Women’s Bible Study just blows me away! I leave there every time with such emotion and fulfillment! I am so grateful for the leaders who choose to give so much of themselves to make that happen.
This morning, we mulled over 2 Corinthians 12:9….And he said to me,”My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” Wow! How many times I have read that verse, yet never got the gravity of it until today! Yes, his grace should be suffcient for me, I have always known that. But can anything, albeit power, really be perfected in weakness? Then Paul tells us how he boasts of his own weaknesses, encouraging us to do the same! That’s a lot to take in. But as I dwelled on this verse, I really feel that verse is almost my life in a nutshell. Here are a few pages from my open book…
For many years of my life, I played the victim, either real or perceived. Whether it was I was a victim of my father’s alcoholism, the victim of the intense bullying I underwent in Junior High, the victim of the guys who knew girls with poor self-esteem were easy prey, or feeling as if I am somewhat the victim by my sister’s life being taken from her. Those are only a few things I could talk about.
There were times I was angry, most times I was weighed down by the clinical depression. Needless to say, there was definitely a real emptiness there that I could never seem to fill. Not with all of the counseling in the world. Not without it being based in the Lord. At 21, I attempted to take my own life, because I didn’t think there was a solution to all of my pain. Fortunately, the Lord’s hand intervened and saved me that night. And he used that to bring my then-boyfriend, now-husband, back into my life after I had so foolishly walked away.
Friendships were always difficult for me. I suppose my self-esteem issues, my depression, and my extreme sensitivity were the greatest factors there. I had very few close friends in junior high and high school, but I almost always had a boyfriend, because I’d date almost anyone just to have someone. And they knew it.
Though I always loved the Lord and was raised in the church, I never had a real relationship with Him until recent years. I had always known he was there, but I didn’t know why he wasn’t saving me from my issues! But He already had. I just didn’t know it yet. I had yet to see His plan for my life, and am still watching it unfold. If I knew then what I know now, would I change any of it? Not a chance. (Well, I’d bring Jen back if I could, of course, but God had a plan there, too.) I do not believe that Ted or I would have swallowed our pride and got back together if it hadn’t been for my stupid antics. Now I have many friends, and several very close friends that I could call in the middle of the night if I needed anything. Sure, it would have been great to have that then, but it didn’t really matter back then. It matters now. God changed my heart along the way, and has now made the me the sort of friend I wished I had been then.
Without any of the trials and weaknesses I have been through in my life, I would not be the person I am. The person God intended me to be. Don’t get me wrong, I know I will never be perfect and I still have a lot of work to do. But if I can see his power at work in those weakest points in my life, then I am on my way. So I do boast in those weaknesses, because His grace is sufficient for me. To have taken me from the person I was, broken and alone, to blessing me so richly with a loving husband, 3 beautiful kids, and a great life. Most of all, he has brought me to the point in my life where HE is the center. That is His plan for each of us.
Before we ever feel like we are alone, worthless, or that God doesn’t care, we have to remember this. We were bought with the ultimate price. He sacrificed His Son so that we would NOT be lost. Without him, nothing will be sufficient. Only in Him will we find the grace it takes to move through this life. Joy, pain, and the whole crazy thing.